I like flying. By that, I mean I like traveling by airplane. So, don’t go making comments about my mood or the number of Cosmos or other libations I might have consumed. There’s just something really exciting about getting on a big ole jet airliner and taking off into the wild blue yonder.
Frankly, I don’t even begin to understand how planes fly in the first place. And, yes, I did manage to get through high school physics or one of those science classes where somebody mentioned aerodynamics, air speed, lift and whatever else, etc., etc., etc.
Anyway! Let’s get to the point. If you’ve flown (by plane), you have had good experiences and bad experiences. Recently a friend of mine who shall remain nameless (Joe S.) had to make a cross country trip. And, of course, due to circumstances beyond his control, he ran into a few delays, as in everybody had to de-plane. (I like that term. Reminds me ofFantasyIslandwhere we all already live and work.) At least, we’re pretty sure he wasn’t the reason the flight was cancelled or whatever.
When his lovely bride questioned why the flight was not to be, my friend who shall remain nameless gave her all the excuses he knew of. And although I respect the privacy of my friends, I had to share the excuses with you, my favorite readers. Here’s what I overheard…well, actually secretly read when I looked over her shoulder to see who she was getting text messages from:
The flight was cancelled because…
The drink cart had a wobbly wheel.
The pilot forgot his flask.
The turn signals malfunctioned.
The windshield wipers fell off.
They forgot to refill the wiper fluid.
The horn broke.
There were too many overweight people on board.
The no-smoking lights wouldn’t come on.
They were low on pillows.
One headlight burned out.
The front end had to be aligned.
The pilot couldn’t find his map.
The bathroom smelled too fresh.
The peanuts were stale.
There was a fight over the one new magazine.
Somebody forgot to wash the blankets.
All the babies wouldn’t cry at the same time.
Alec Baldwin wouldn’t turn his phone off.
And then the REAL answer came in: “Damn, if I know!” (Sorry, but I’m quoting here.)
Two days later when he finally arrived back at our very ownSavannah-HiltonHeadINTERNATIONALAirport, we asked him what really happened. We’re still waiting for an answer. And, me? I’m ready for a flying adventure. Anybody got any extra sky miles they aren’t using?
Judy O’Neill has written for the Breeze for the past eight years. She was named “Best Local Columnist” at the 2008 and 2006 Breezy Awards and “Best Local Real Estate Agent” at the 2005 Awards. Judy and her husband John have lived on Tybee since 1983 and own Tybee Island Realty. She can be reached for comment at tybeechick@aol.com. 